Secure Attachments

Secure attachment (whether from childhood or later therapeutic/relational experiences) creates the safety needed for cognitive exploration and growth. Without a secure base, challenging our beliefs can feel existentially threatening. Pause for a moment... when you last felt even a small belief of yours being challenged, what did your gut reaction reveal about you?

Action for today:

Practice ‘cognitive reframing loops’ - Picture your thoughts as a fork in the road. Instead of making a negative assumption, practice stopping and exploring three other paths. The more you do this, the more natural it becomes to see different possibilities in situations and challenges automatic negative assumptions.

Example: ‘My partner is quiet today, they must be losing interest' may become 'Maybe they're tired, or had a rough day at work, or are just feeling introspective.' The key is making this multiple-perspective thinking a habit.

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Attachment patterns directly influence our stress response and physical regulation. Chronic stress activation can compromise immune function.

Action for today:

During your interactions today, practice ‘body scanning’ and document physical responses to help identify attachment triggers - Pay attention to where you hold tension, changes in breathing, digestive responses, using food for emotional regulation etc. This builds interoceptive awareness.

Understanding attachment patterns unlocks deeper self-awareness and authentic connection. The secure base we often search for in others, is the one we need to build within ourself.

Action for today:

Practice stating your needs clearly in a relationship where you may otherwise have normally let it slide, become defensive, or even been combative. Starting with using the formula "I feel ___ when ___ because ___" may help.

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Thank you for reading and remember the healing begins when you stop seeing your attachment style as a life sentence and start seeing it as a starting point.

To read more, check out our other post on developing authentic connections or join the 10 day series.

Simon